i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
