My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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