I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
