I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
