I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
