Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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