When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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