this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it's like heaven, but drunker
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
