please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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