If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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