My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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