did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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