people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
