Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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