Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
