end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
