Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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