weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
