they need to just BURY HIM!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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