theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
