he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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