1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
