I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
