I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
