I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
