she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
