I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
