i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
