I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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