you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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