I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
