like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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