Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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