So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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