I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
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A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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