oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
