Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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