We got so high we made milksteak
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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