that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
