why didn't you poke me back
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
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I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
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I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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