so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
