why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
