I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
