PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
