R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
