So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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