im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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