Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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