Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
