I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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