yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
