dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
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Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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