this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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