i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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