apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is it penis luge time yet?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
