If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Randomize
