Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
